Padova, via S. Francesco, 11:00 p.m.

Police: Good evening, are you the host?

Host: No.

Police: We’ve been getting complaints about this party.

Host: About the drugs?

Police: No.

Host: About the guns, then? Is somebody complaining about the guns?

Police: No, the noise.

Host: Oh, the noise. Well that makes sense because there are no guns or drugs here. (An enormous explosion is heard in the background.) Or fireworks. Who’s complaining about the noise? The neighbors?

Police: No, the neighbors fled inland hours ago. Most of the recent complaints have come from Pittsburgh. Do you think you could ask the host to quiet things down?

Host: No Problem. (At this point, a Volkswagen bug with primitive religious symbols drawn on the doors emerges from the living room and roars down the hall, past the police and onto the lawn, where it smashes into a tree. Eight guests tumble out onto the grass, moaning.) See? Things are starting to wind down.

     

There are several geek epitaph lists on the net (look here, here and here) but most are rather dull and they don’t really look like they’re written by real geeks, so I decided to write down my own list, with one line for each geek stereotype:

1. the WoW player: «Met a Death Knight with serious blood abilities».
2. the Python guru: «TombException».
3. the Urban Terror player: «Did the lemming thing».
4. the Star Trek fan: «Heghlu’meH QaQ jajvam».
5. the network guru: «TTL expired in transit».
6. the Magic player: «Opponent played Grindstone with Painter’s Servant».
7. the Spaceballs fan: «Out of order? FUCK! Even in heaven, nothing works!».
8. the Matrix fan: «She told me: dodge this!».
9. the NASA fan: «What do you mean “One way mission”?».
10. the Unix guru: «kill -9 -1».

Who said that bad grass never dies?

     

If you’re fond of Amiga-vs-PC and Android-vs-iPhone religion wars, you may enjoy this useful recap of what’s going on in the mass mind control department:

1. Church business is about showing off symbols.
   Technology has its own symbols too.
2. Jesus wants you to keep vegetables vegetatives alive.
   Technology has found a way to talk to them too.
3. For centuries, Church stated that Earth was flat.
   Now Technology may prove that the whole Universe is flat too.
4. Tech spreads ideas through the world-wide web.
   But Church is catching up fast.
5. Church fears that Tech may lead to atheism.
   In fact, people typically pray God when they need to restore a backup.
6. Child pornography audience has rapidly moved to P2P technology.
   So Church is making clear that traditional methods work fine too.
7. In China, Church is controlled by the government.
   In China, IT leader Google reclaims some of its “Don’t be evil” mantra.
8. Human clonation, Church warns: «a dangerous experiment which could cause a deep moral crisis».
   Embryons implant operation was most clicked on YouPorn.
9. Church asserts that human development is explained by intelligent design.
   Scientists may try and open a black-hole to slip in a parallel universe to search for prior art.
10. According to the Church, marriage should be ’til death.
    Thanks to staminal cells research, your mother-in-law will live forever.